Back in 2017, I dedicated a month to myself. I screen-printed 6 blank shirts with the words “不要泄露或隐瞒我 / don’t reveal or conceal me” and wore them every day throughout that month. That project reflected the spaces my mind was going through: one of internalized gender disorientation and the performative aspects of navigating through a Chinese queer/trans body. Two years later, I changed my name, my pronouns, came out to my parents and resolved a large part of my identity that is very much desensitized to Chinese LGBT politics. Even though, looking back on it, I find the concept and execution of that project underdeveloped, it was important for me to dedicate that durational space to myself, and, through the process of self-ritual, come to terms with unanswered questions.

Using a similar process to “不要泄露或隐瞒我 / don’t reveal or conceal me”, I committed the month of September this year to question my connection to my homeland. What is the relationship between my queer body and 潮州 / Teochew? How far back can I trace my ancestors? How do I know when I’ve reached a destination? What discussions can be raised through inter-generational story-telling? How do memories propagate and affirm our understanding of one another and to spirit? How do senses outside of the preconceived five enact diasporic sentiments? Through research-creation, I explored these questions every day for a month. My process became an act of healing, a ritual of care.

The Ritual: Every Wednesday at 7 AM, I gather my thoughts and somatically paint Chinese calligraphy on my body with words that are carefully chosen. My friend and photographer Peniel Hong visits me in my home and documents this 1-2 hour ritual. I do some tests first on newsprint before inking my body, and after the performance of putting words on my body, I fill my bathtub with water and wash the ink off before dressing and starting my day.

There are two books in this series: the first book “我只穿了一条短裤 / I only wore a pair of shorts” documents the calligraphy process and my research. The second book “回味 / Aftertaste” documents the bathing process and my free thoughts / prose about this entire project.